


What It Takes

by Hawkwitch



Series: pre [3]
Category: Yes Minister, Yes Prime Minister
Genre: Gen, OC, Pre-Canon, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-13 00:08:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4500123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawkwitch/pseuds/Hawkwitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title: What It Takes<br/>Characters: Sir Humphrey, Sir Arnold, Sir Frank, Jumbo, OC<br/>Genre: Speculation<br/>Rating: PG<br/>Warnings: some nice words<br/>Summary: Approx. 10 years pre-canon. Sir Frank's predecessor retires a bit sooner than expected and he wastes no time with starting to stir up drama.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What It Takes

**Author's Note:**

> For Vanessa

„Frankie boy, do you know what it takes to do my job?“ Asked Sir George, the Head of Treasury. He was absolutely fine at the very moment.  
„Soundness from what I have heard, Sir George.“ Said Frank Gordon, his deputy.  
Sir George chuckled. „You heard it from the wrong type of people. I have suffered lots of abuse and insults throughout my career but never being called sound! This is a very unique one-of-a-kind job and has nothing to do with being a people-pleaser! Hard skills are required. On the average there will be someone around begging for cash in every 20 minutes and you must tell them off. And about once a week someone quite powerful will try to twist your arm and burn your arse to persuade you into some massive financial folly but you must remain unshaken and stick to what the numbers are telling you. Of course, they will surely whisper around that your mistress looks like a raccoon and label you an accountant but you must shrug it off. Think a bit harder. This question has only one right answer.“  
„Is that a hypothetical question, Sir George?“ Frank asked. He had a gut feeling that he actually knew the answer very well.  
„No, Frankie boy.“  
„In that case the correct answer is: having Massive Balls of Steel.“ Frank said with a big grin.  
Sir George was pleased. „Bravo, Frankie boy, noone should be able to slap you around. Ever. By the way this nice job is up for grabs for the one who has got what it takes.“  
Sir George had not had any psychotic episodes for past two days, but he was endlessly complaining over being tired and wishing to retire. Permanent Secretary to The Treasury was of course the dream job for Frank and he was hoping to get this job in near future. But taking this IMMEDIATELY...? Somehow he had thought he would have a bit more time to prepare. Does he really have what it takes?

///

„What a discrace it was.“ Sir Arnold said after a meeting with The Permanent Secretaries. „That mad old Huxley dog started singing a rude song.“  
„My dear Arnold, my good old chum, may I point out that he was not singing a rude song at all... he was only whistling it!“ Sir Frederick Stewart said and laughed boisterously.  
„You appear amused, my dear Jumbo? He must have some dirty trick up his sleeve. Doesn’t he always?“

///

„Look, Sir George, I will take this job!“ Frank told frantically into the phone in the middle of the night. He had suddenly woken up over a hunch that Sir George must have told a variation of the same story to all deputies and was curious who would go for the kill. Therefore he must act swiftly or this window of opportunity is gone, maybe forever. It was either DO IT or regret it for the rest of his life. He experienced a strange moment of clarity that he has always had what it takes. (Come to think of it, among Permanent Secretaries there were far bigger clowns than him who were capable of avoiding getting fired.) Knowing his boss, some bold maneuvre was exactly what was expected to please him.

///

„This is a bit awkward. We are getting rid of that mad dog? He did not have a public meltdown as I expected? He retires voluntarily? It does not make sense, my dear Humpy.“ Sir Arnold said suspiciously.  
„Well, my dear Arnold, you just said it yourself that he must have some dirty trick up his sleeve and you were right: would you just look at his replacement... that boy is a disaster.“  
„Oh my dear Humpy, it is very important to work with people when they are fresh and still high on the euphoria over getting a new job.“ Sir Arnold said. „This rookie is actually a bit of an upgrade in a sense that at least he is not certified.“  
„But are you really sure that he is not certifiable, my dear Arnold?“ Sir Humphrey said.  
Sir Arnold rolled his eyes and smirked. „Look, my dear Humpy, if I were SO strict about it, I would simply be permanently short-staffed.“

///

Sir Frank entered The Cabinet Office. He was aware, that the meeting will either be a triumph or he gets eaten for breakfast. No middle ground. He was quite nervous. That was Sir Arnold after all. He was actually very polite, even charming and offered him a drink.  
„Please, Frank, do entertain me – what have you heard about me? Did Sir George tell you ill about me?“ Sir Arnold asked, quite curious.  
„Certainly not, Sir Arnold! He said that you are brilliant, ruthless and unstoppable. Burn it to the ground and take no prisoners. That was meant as a compliment.“ Sir Frank said with a big grin. There might have been some juicier tidbits such as „bookcase megalomaniac“ added, but he left these out.  
Sir Arnold was even a bit flattered.

///

„My dear Arnold, I have some grave news. The Chief Accountant of DAA has passed away, alas...“ Sir Humphrey spoke into the phone.  
„Patrick the Irish Simpleton has kicked the bucket? This is excellent news, my dear Humpy!“ Sir Arnold said, clearly thrilled.  
„Aarrrnnooolllddd... he was a great chap. Actually I thought you liked him.“  
„How dare you, Humpy? I adored him!“ Sir Arnold said.  
„You mean he was the only person who knew what had been going on in DAA since 1964 up to two digits after comma.“ Sir Humphrey said sarcastically, understanding now what The Cabinet Secretary was aiming at.  
„Be it as it may, but what was the cause of his demise?“  
„The usual: a combination of too much boozing over several decades plus advanced age.“ Sir Humphrey said, then started complaining: „But I have a real dilemma now: there is noone to take up this job. His assistants know nothing and no remotely sound chap wants this sordid phrase „Chief Accountant“ on their resume. We are in the middle of preparing next year’s budget, for cripes sake!“ Sir Humphrey was panicky.  
„Try some girl then. After all this is just accounting anyway!“ Sir Arnold said authoriatively. It was impossible to tell, whether he was serious or joking.

///

Junior officials of The Treasury had always been way too annoyingly scrutinizing when it came to DAA budget proposals. But it had been somewhat tolerable. DAA's art collection had surely never been mentioned before. After the change in leadership they became even more annoying. Some official even dared to question, whether there has been extensive use of creative accounting practices. Patrick’s successor, his sister-in-law Ciara, blamed everything imaginable and then some more on Patrick and that killed this issue for the time being. But nonetheless that really sounded like a war declaration, Sir Humphrey thought.

///

„I have seen that Frank Gordon chap out and about and I have even spoken to him in a less formal setting. He is very opinionated of course. Or what I mean is that he is a jerk. He was, after all trained by the ultimate master of "How To Make Enemies And Infuriate People". But once you get to know him better you will find out that he is one hilariously twisted jerk.“ Jumbo shared his thoughts. „Like any rookie he just thinks he has to prove himself. I am sure that you will start to like him sooner or later.“  
„Really, my dear Jumbo. That boy is committed to causing drama.“ Sir Humphrey said, unimpressed.


End file.
